3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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