Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
