There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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