thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
