I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
