Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my shit smells like andre
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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