i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
