i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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