someone owes me an orgasm
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize