It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
