Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize