Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
