Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My balls are so social today.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
