I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
