why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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