just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
