I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
