Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i would punch a child for taco bell
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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