you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
