Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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