If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it because I queefed?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
