My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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