Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
