do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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