I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize