So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
