i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
