I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize