hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
