You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
