If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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