I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
