By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
