i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
