i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
false alarm. still invincible.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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