dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize