found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
