so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
