Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
