dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
