I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
