Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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