All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
