How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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