My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
