I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
