You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
