When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this will be a night to untag.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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