Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
