people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
