yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
