dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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