puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
