I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
