he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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