I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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