If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
