Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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