Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
