i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
