Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
