Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
